1.12.2006

start the day by answering email

crissy, i must have known this email was coming, as i looked up the hill this morning and thought of going over for lunch. i certainly will. best lunch around, no?

i am still here, and there are stretches where that is okay and others where it is not. it takes the same focus and dedication and courage you talk about to do a job search - i have been holding back. but this is still the wrong fit job, and there is a ceiling on what i can learn and do here. urgh... must marshall forces...

glad to hear whats up with you - did i give you my "real" email? - sarahandkyle@earthlink.net, lets move this conversation over there. and follow your passions! follow your passions!, right? its my wish too, although the wish to "play it safe, stay low, take it easy" mostly dominates. we can do that too, it just doesnt make for a tasty life - a sort of suburbia of the mind. and curse that dumb eagles song.

i am in one of those "lots of ideas, little actual work" phases right now. but i am very happy to report that i have no pronounced seasonal/post-holiday depression hole. which makes for a lovely change, thanks to all the work i've been doing, and to the universe.

we went snowshoeing last wknd, but i cant say i envy your winter (whenever it gets there)- snow looks best in hills and mtns (though snowing looks wonderful anywhere). and maybe snow looks best when you drive away at the end too (although in Boulder, i loved how it would dump - and then melt completely the next day). in SF, the cherries have started to bloom (!). so freaking soon? i give you that with the complete overhaul of the ecology/flora out here, the seasons can make perilously little sense within city limits.

tasos just emailed me to inspect and possibly file some drawings, making that my sole work task for the day. and yet i wanted to complain! oh, little child, we may be getting a tad spoiled.

i think in the right setting, any of the plants you talk of would be powerful experiences for you. but i have no personal experience with any of them. ayahuasca can be life-altering, from those around me who have taken it - but the homeopathic route, thats intriguing, a slow, gentle course instead of a 1 day cram-for-finals cosmic blitz. i could see that as a good fit for you.

san pedro is generally described as a close but milder relative of mescaline. its rumored to taste horrible. you eat the flesh. which makes it easy to control dose, once you know how strong your plant is. lets say you do "see someone's illness" - vividly, say - what do you do with the knowledge? these are warrior plants.

i wonder about someone in new england taking tropic plants though - there are many indigineous mushrooms in NE that could be hunted, picked fresh and wild, and brewed as tea which might have more to say to someone of your clime (and more holistic of an adventure too). i fit in this city as rosemary is cultivated all over the place, perfect for me and my headaches.
(how could ayahuasca be made into a homeopath pill though - the drug is a brew, from many sources, not just one plant?)

anyway, i support you in whatever path involving plants you step out on. if you do take the one-day intensive route, a little structure (like a question and a friend/guide) will help ground it.
the leaf i had smoked/drank as tea is called Calea Zacatechichi, "the dream herb" (practically a registered head-shop trademark). do a search for it online and a thousand sites selling it will pop up.

its basically an i ching type event, where you spend some time beforehand formulating and considering some question/active edge in your life, drink and smoke the herb (which, unlike the plants you mentioned, is very mild, somewhere between sleepytime tea and a wee puff of weed) and then go to bed, question in mind. then (perchance) the dream.

the herb smokes well, but the tea is exceptionally bitter, like drinking aspirin. but i never felt sick. i just looked online at "experiences" people posted about it, and its sad, they're almost all from druggies who stumble through it as spectators, passive, without intention, ritual, thought, questions - just brew it up and kick back and wait for the psychic tv. no wonder most of them are disappointed. the dream you mention was one of the best dreams of my life. a teaching that still applies.

okay, love to you, so good to hear from you, i have had fun writing back, more soon, no? i miss our lunches. its grown quiet here, somewhat cobwebby. perhaps i'll go inspect those drawings, and then read from the book of poems (Charles Olson, an MA native - wrote obessively of Gloucester, born but in Worcester) and start a review I promised to a friend/editor. I just added these last lines because it was too horrible to end with the tombstone of "go inspect those drawings". i am not going to peacably inabit these death-realms.

love,

k

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