President vows to ‘Change Evil Ways’
MANHATTAN, Kan.(AP) 1/23/06 11:12AM
At his morning press briefing, President Bush wowed and stunned the press corps with a powerful and soaring rendition of his promise to change his “evil ways”.
Recognizing his lack of popular support at home and abroad, Bush made an impassioned and densely polyrhythmic plea for the American public to take him back, despite his public "foolin' around", declaring he understood the public's desire to "find somebody who wont' always act like a clown".
MANHATTAN, Kan.(AP) 1/23/06 11:12AM
At his morning press briefing, President Bush wowed and stunned the press corps with a powerful and soaring rendition of his promise to change his “evil ways”.
Recognizing his lack of popular support at home and abroad, Bush made an impassioned and densely polyrhythmic plea for the American public to take him back, despite his public "foolin' around", declaring he understood the public's desire to "find somebody who wont' always act like a clown".
After an uncharacteristically visibly excited Scott McClellan announced President Bush’s unscripted appearance on the Air Force One morning press conference, the press secretary retreated to the back of the stage, where he set up a quiet, unhurried, funky mouth-bassline over which the President intoned with a coiling, streetwise baritone:
I've got to change my evil ways, baby, before you stop lovin' me.
I've got to change my evil ways, baby, before you stop lovin' me.
I've got to change, baby, and every word that I say is true.
Both McClellan and the President swung into a bouncy syncopated vibe for the bridge and chorus, declaring:
I got troops runnin' and hidin' all over town,
I got snoops sneakin' and a-peepin' and runnin' you down.
This can't go on, Lord knows I got to change, baby.
This can't go on, Lord knows I got to change, baby.
Returning to the opening rhythm, Bush continued over the flawless mouth bass and commanding air hand drumline being laid out by McClellan:
When I come home, baby, the White House is dark and my polls are cold.
I'm hangin' round, baby, with Dick and Don and-a who knows who.
You're gettin' tired of waitin' and my foolin' around,
You'll find somebody who won't always act like a clown.
This can't go on, Lord knows I got to change, baby.
With a quick series of “Yeah yeah yeahs” President Bush, nodding at McClellan, launched into a dazzling, completely silent and pyrotechnic air guitar solo, as the press secretary moved his fingers frantically up and down an imaginary keyboard. The speech ended with the President on his knees and an ecstatic McClellan throwing his hands into the air in triumph, brandishing unseen drumsticks.
While later quietly admitting that the music was “a little heavier” than the President's favorite fair, McClellen, wiping sweat from his brow, claimed President Bush had been inspired when he came across the song on his Ipod while dirtbiking at his ranch over the holidays:"The President was immediately struck by its relevance to his own plight as the increasingly embattled ‘leader of the free world’" McClellan added, throwing his arms around the shoulders of two adoring, giggling female reporters and heading off-stage.
With a quick series of “Yeah yeah yeahs” President Bush, nodding at McClellan, launched into a dazzling, completely silent and pyrotechnic air guitar solo, as the press secretary moved his fingers frantically up and down an imaginary keyboard. The speech ended with the President on his knees and an ecstatic McClellan throwing his hands into the air in triumph, brandishing unseen drumsticks.
While later quietly admitting that the music was “a little heavier” than the President's favorite fair, McClellen, wiping sweat from his brow, claimed President Bush had been inspired when he came across the song on his Ipod while dirtbiking at his ranch over the holidays:"The President was immediately struck by its relevance to his own plight as the increasingly embattled ‘leader of the free world’" McClellan added, throwing his arms around the shoulders of two adoring, giggling female reporters and heading off-stage.
posted by Kyle at 11:36 AM
3 Comments:
i am laughing out loud here. crazy good. audi, p.
sadly, the Onion does not accept submissions...
Wish I had seen that go down.
It was lovely being led down that convincing path so that once the smile hit, you only believed more. (also lovely is the way you commandeer that blossoming cherry bow behind you.
sadly? that very publication (onion) crossed my mind as I read.
but you'll be happy to know before that I thought of Dhalgren or the like when descriptions of music and its tangible production interrupt a story line with a new true story, also because I've been reading that book. for the last three months! I do like it but...just don't read enough to get through it, maybe don't like the characters enough to want to go back and visit them? but am now close to the end and am re-intrigued with the new form of historical record (they've lost the manuscript and are resorting to ______'s original notebook.) Just the kind of knife dag I like in a book. Last time I truly found such a memorable inside out flipping was if on a winters night a traveler. I thank you kdada also for that. Oh yes by the way hi! and thank you for that lovely news chunk, I'll be sure to call the networks for a tape.
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