8.02.2005

From Home ( a rare visit )

Setting

I write this post from home. I wonder if you can feel the difference – the “rule” of this blog is “blogging done @ work”. What that means is fluorescent lights, the small, even intimate noises of others working around me, a cubicle, the great emotional void of ‘office’, my own sense of paranoia around blogging as ‘not work’ and all the associated narratives I bind my worker self around. Friends, it means alienated labor in a tough market, fair and simple. If not straight.

At home, maybe 25 feet from my bed, 15 from the fridge, 5 from the couch, without coworkers walking by or a sense that I ought to be doing something else, or even the complicated background hum of alienated productivity (does D’Arcy want to address this irregularity of access ramp heights? is it Patrick’s desire to restructure the Intranet search engine? do i want to resume updating this off-site archives database?), I can write from a different origin. I can quickly muddy it, I can bring the office home, but these complication sit differently, they fade more readily, I am more comfortable here, I return.

Site-specific blogging. Even when the posts do their best to ignore and block out the work environment surrounding them. A good deal of my (writing) work is all about magnifying palpable incoherencies, bringing buried logics into the open anyway – with all the attendant cobwebs and obsessive repetitions and shadowy unsaids.

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Method

bioautography, my current project, is a simultaneous, jump-cut working-through of four old notebooks of the kind I tend to ignore/suppress. Each notebook has a different cover, but is of the same size and shape. Ragged right stanzas are born of words and phrases lifted from page 1 of each notebook in turn, then page 2, etc. But the order itself becomes uneven and varying, as some notebooks are written on back and front, some front only, and, occasionally, a whole page is left blank. So what begins as a quartet fades, like the players in Yellow Submarine getting zapped by the Blue Meanies, down to trio, duet, and finally, solo. Surrounding this, the first and last “chapters” of bioautography are more generous, free movements; free as in wide-ranging, also, inviting the delight of chance, of choice. The stanzas here proceed, in turn, through fragments taken from “at random” (meaning I flipped…) each entire notebook: this introduces the thematic and specific referents, and works to open and close the space in which the main sequence unfolds.

What is this? Forcing a hidden, unloved/overlooked language into the open, offering the background hum of my own writing practice up, and, through attending to it, through angry and compassionate exam, transmuting these private thoughts, occasional observations, and predictable tangents into a strangely intense Frankenstein monster, dense with fraught rhythms, a sort of motorik stutter, marrying insistent pounding to a omnivorous, atmospheric drift. A twilight sonanta of contemporary alienation.

The Steely Dan Project, my previous darling, simultaneously demolished and reconstructed Danielle Steel’s The Ghost, using the very word ash and busted rhetorical bricks I found on a given, randomly chosen page. To mix things up a little, and extend this reworking into a different domain, these new page-poems are then infused with a selection of words drawn from Steely Dan song titles. Its deeply irreverent, yet the pull of Danielle’s and Steely Dan’s work (in that order), of the worlds they invite/invoke is referenced, inescapably, through their material – words – via the imposed limit of only this found language. So the miraculous tension of sampling, of source, of pulling apart the field to watch it come together, different, yet related, again. Lovely, lovely mutation.

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Poetics

In both projects, the work is that of the collector-alchemist. The writing agency is a process of selecting, tweaking, and presenting already worked material. Who works that material, whether a previous me, or a previous other, is a relevant if limited – but not limiting – distinction. What’s at heart is the sort of flavor the source provides – as in cooking – what ingredients, and how fresh? If Steely Dan makes the obvious other of Danielle Steel’s text (and its attendant ideologies) strange to itself, then, with bioautography, it was my hope to return the favor, to take work that felt like a product of my (uncomfortably not ready for prime time) fixed ego – and render that other up raw, unfixed, compelling, strange and, finally, free.

My process here is an un/refixing, but not simply to delight in un/refixing itself – though that is a constant and necessary companion. I go there because there’s life in it – as a reader of these texts I am awoken to their possibilities, to their inherent instabilities and stabilities, to their myriad weird gestures and manipulations, to all their veins of word-ore. So I’m a miner, and also the metalworker, and also the mountain (whether I admit it or not). There’s magic there, juice, jizz, sweet wine, a plate full of dim sum dumplings. The heat goes up, friction is applied, the whole Universe present – good stuff.

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Further Set

I’m mulling this after a morning of Pu-erh tea, Lisa Jarnot’s Black Dog Songs, and the poems of Jim Gore. Got to asking myself what poetry is, what I’m reading here, and, for once, instead of going ballistic on someone else’s text, decided to take a (over)look at my own process (well, do I write poetry? how is my work part of this? what IS this stuff?), which (and raise your little cyber hand if you feel this) feels horribly and absolutely mysterious to me – that is – I arrive before it at a loss for words. Which is both absurd and all right. But today, I thought I’d venture in to that cave a little bit. Whether I let my eyes adjust to the darkness or blasted it a-bright with some REI lantern,

is a rhetorical question addressed to Nobody in Particular. NiP, hope to hear from you soon. JWG, hope to have a response for you later today.

7 Comments:

Blogger jwg said...

Kyle,

when I am in the middle of it, I can tell you what it is. It is there and present and don’t interrupt me. But now, at 8a on a wed morning, laundry going downstairs, a few pills in my belly with no fun attached, only one poem written in the last few weeks, I am not sure what it is. It always feels fleeting a final. There, it is done, I have emptied everything I know into this piece, there is nothing left. Now, if you get to writing the next day, and that is so nice, you know that there is more, and if you write more the next day you realize that there might be lots more. But when this silence is lasting, and you have no formula to return to (I think I might have a bit of one. No reason to invent the wheel every time), there is a feeling of, “am I done ?”. I don’t worry that I will never write again, but I do wonder if this project is done. And when one project finishes, it usually takes a while to flush it out of the system and months before the next project begins. What was the question? give me a moment. going back to read the post.

What are we doing? We are playing in magic. We are panning for gold. I feel that I am searching around inside of myself and pulling out whatever I find. Figure it must be connected, there must be a connect, bc it is part of the thought process. Somehow it was lead to. After many false starts and decoy ducks shot, when you land on the thing that the poem needs, what you have been thinking all along, that is the reward.

Those pieces I sent you. I like all of them. Some are certainly better than others. They all come at different times over the past year. I think there are a handful that are really good. Feel free to edit as you see fit. cut them up. never hesitate to blow up anything I give you.

I wonder if this comment has anything to do with what you were looking for.

jwgoar

4:09 PM  
Blogger Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

Before I jump into an answer, let me first say that what I have to say is from my brain, and that we each have very different minds, so please, please, take or leave what I have to say.

What is it that Kyle is doing? Is it poetry? Well, first of all, I don’t think anyone can truly answer that question but you. I am sure you know this, and therefore the underlying ‘rhetorical’ nature of the question, and the outlying world view perspective for each individual artist, who responds to your post—which, incidentally, Jim, places your answer very much at the heart of what is being placed on the fence—at freedom to discuss their personal experiences with what is art.

For myself, I operate on several different modalities. When I approach a work I do not pull from a reservoir that has a limit. I see each moment to express creativity as my first time, so like Biggie Smalls, “I am an intern at whatever I do.” This action to accept that I am constantly in flux, and therefore a new person in each moment, allows for a freedom of not only multiple creative acts (Why not do a painting when I’ve never tried it, because why not?), but one which is beyond qualitative questions of right and wrong, that are associated with society, academy, or what have you.

This ability to acknowledge my birth (or death) with a moment, also creates a freedom with palette as well. I may have operated within ‘metaphor’ or ‘collage’ as a variable one day, but I allow for my new, present moment to afford my new tools of operation. I, therefore, sometimes discard certain tonalities or stylistic methods, which are no longer akin to what I am presently.

This type of newness may at times be frightening. I may, at moments, flinch against my present truth, and try to inhabit a voice or style which had previously brought me joy, and find that it is for all intent purposes a dud to the resonance which I had hoped. In these cases, I simply acknowledge that the tone I had inhabited is not the truth of the present moment, and I make stylistic or tonal adjustments in order to once again awaken that internal vibration which places me on the canvas, musical scale, or page.

Recently, the tone I have enjoyed has been to accompany a visual representation with poetic text. This may not be the case tomorrow or even in this present moment. As you can see from the tone of this post, that it is altogether new from my typical posts. This new tone is a product of my willingness to inhabit this space with you, and experience a language that is true to how I feel as of right now.

As far as what truth is, or as Jim put it, where it comes from, I believe that creative expression is a product of society, environment, humanness, internal struggle, magic, spirit, money – the list is endless. There is no one factor that can be separated from the others. I can also say that without a doubt this experiential reservoir from where poetry inhabits each individual is a product of each individual. The poetry I write is the poetry I write. The same can be said for either of you.

Of course, this is not to say that I do not believe in the larger world view of group consciousness, spirit, or what have you. From my personal world view, I believe that there is a deep, interconnectedness to all things. I see each action taking shape and form to effect change on group consciousness – the same way we feel a melody alter the vibration in a room.

Along with this attitude, comes the reality and ground dynamic of money, pop culture, reality TV, academy, and the rest. These are also carried through in our work to either challenge, question, or reiterate the modes of thought that are akin to our own persons. Each artist is inclusive to this view, and even if you do not necessarily feel my sense of interconnectedness of all things, it does not mean that by disagreement you are outside of the world dynamic.

Yes, I welcome the questioning, aggression, and bitterness of some artists. Although I happen to operate on a blend between light and shadow, I do not altogether believe that an artist who is operating predominantly on one or the other is in any sense creating a negative or positive change, as much as a necessary change for that moment.

The only question then becomes, “What is my intention?” Intent is what carries to each person’s own individual truth. If heartache suffices a collaged poem on obscenity or destroying a symbol of political power, then so be it. Does this mean I support death? Murder? Rape? Does this mean that each person is operating for the common good of humanity by creating what has been deemed a harmful action to society?

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not a supporter of ill will. I simply believe that the original intention of all living beings is for the common good. There are many individuals who have lost sight of this oneness, and therefore act accordingly. But, I believe, that there is a moment of recognition for each individual I encounter, where that initial, exact expression of love is the foremost intention, language, or feeling they have to communicate.

My receptivity to the possibility that each individual is also in flux as I am, and are therefore a new living being in each moment, creates a dynamic where the possibility of acknowledging this common bond of brotherhood, precedes and extends past all boundaries between us.

This is what art is to me. This expression of openness to each moment, as it arises, and my willingness to experience each living being in their moment of newness, allows and catalyzes the words I use, the palettes I inhabit, and the visions I communicate. This is why I create art. This is why I even pick up the goodie bag.

My choices as to what will be my palette are therefore the only lasting question, after I acknowledge that I am dead to this moment or born to it simultaneously.

Now as far as palette, I believe this is not so much a choice as being a living testament to the oneness of humanity. In that space, I have the freedom to not only choose my tools at will, but also to be whatever individual I am. This does not mean that I will be good or great in my work. This does not mean that I will be bad either. I will simply be.

Other people will make personal choices as to their modus operandi, and say they like particular works, but I am not particular on which will offer a positive or negative reaction. It is just one of many. The body of work, this living testament of oneness becomes the stardust which I am. This grain of sand. This liquid pearl. Drops so quickly, and like a thought is gone. Into the vast ocean. The wind around us all.

So, I would say, the question you are asking Kyle is the secret to artistry. To ask what is art or what is my poetry or what is my intention places you and each artist who attempts to align themselves with their own truth, at the very source of the light that flickers from the cave and the shadows which stand around us.

Love, P.

9:43 PM  
Blogger Kyle said...

Jesus. I have never eleictied such long responses before. I am not sure what to add - both previous commetns go their own ways, enlightening me (or not) on two distinct perspectives on writing, art, even creativity, consciousness.

Pirooz - your comment confuses me. Its very kaleidoscopic. I get a gist of it, a direction, but some of the little bits - I'm surprised at where we travel. It seems liek this statement of purpose and aesthetics deserves some more of your attention, and reposting, perhaps in print, or on your blog. Or maybe I need to interview you and get the word out to the peeps. Plus, if you are an intern, you can get me some quality horchata or i will throw a fit and get you dismissed ("star power").

What i do want to add is that after writing this, I felt proud, felt coherent, felt that my work made sense. (I often feel the opposite). But i attached to that feeling, and a few minutes later became intensely uncomfortable, a sort of somatic anxiety roaming through my hands, legs, face. Ook. So there I was, anxious and uncomfortable and incoherent, and i thought "this is not okay" - and tried to regain control. And that didnt work either - and then it was okay, i gave myself permission to be this uncomfort, to be juttery and weird and yucky feeling and take in that weakness, that unready, wobbly feeling, sit with it. and so it ebbed. i was so proud of being coherent - ie able to shed light, i think underneath some of these explorations of poetics is a desire to be in control, to control how we and others see our work, perhaps even to demonstrate some mastery that is not the modus operandi of the work itself. that uncomfortable feeling was the crashign and burning of that attachment to coherence, the unflinching, unavoidable comeuppance.

i write this because my work IS also, quite often, a thicket, a jungle, an umapped space, an exploration, the feelign of beign lost, of being on or over the edge, is even often unconscious, semi-conscious, dazed, bored and confused. as i tried to express a few days ago - thats okay too. theres room for that, and a lot of power in that too. in not knowing, in letting go of my knowledge of "what my work does and where it comes from" - which is a story. a powerful, perhaps useful story, but still a story, still limited. as sara larsen keeps telling me : its okay not to know what you are writing about, okay to not be able to explain your work. its okay to not be in control, and to explore and dwell in that vulnerability, in the tension between darkness and light. anyhting else is, after all, a complete sell-out and sham, however attractive and seductive (or hideous and repellant) it may seem. i hope that comes through. there's such pain for me, as a writer, when people get lost in my words when i dont intend it. but than intention has its limits too - and let go means just that. but then, staying in the body's intentions, not surrendering to the full schizz of mind, i can come through, and you will not miss me. is the hope.

12:24 AM  
Blogger Pirooz M. Kalayeh said...

I just loved the question. I let it take me where it would. I have no idea.

I'll have to look up horchata. Not sure what that means.

As far as my meanings, I am open to any interview. I am also open to answering the question again and again,

Why do I do art? It will change with each moment. Right now I just got done rehearsing with The Persian Rugs. I broke it down with a pretty sick bass line. Johnny P and Paiman busted rhymes over it -- really, really bad ones, like "I am here/I am rocking." Then they started dancing around without their instruments, shouting, "Bring out the snake, bring out the snake." They mapped a whole performance piece, while I continued the groove.

"We'll just have him play," one says, as if I'm not there.

-"We can get snakes!"

"Yeah, dude, totally! We'll just let the song go until they kick us off stage."

"yeah, oh my god!"

The two of them start rolling around laughing. I continue the bass line. I'm grooving. I've got a little hip gyration going on. It's fun. I keep it going for a half hour, with them riffing intentionally bad overdubs and cracking up.

I smile to myself. I feel blisters on my fingers. I feel good. I put the bass down. The other 2 are glowing. They were the most creative then they have ever been in my presence. Why?

Beats me. I think me being clear about my newness. My answering your question, placed me firmly in my body. I was willing to experience the moment, to listen to the melodies inside me.

Anyway, I don't think this makes my previous post any clearer. It's just an addition, because I like talking to you, Kyle. I like your blog. It inspires me.

It was so funny when I read my post. I was like, "Wow, this just goes." I don't even remember it. I do think it's a good representation of why I create though.

Look, I can say it one sentence,

I just go with it. That's it. So just subtract everything I said and say, he just goes with it. I'm like Nike, Just do it, except I like, Just goes with it, better.

Yeah, that's what I am now. Just go with it funky fresh freestyle. Uh Uh 2 times for the mind. 2 times for the brain. 2 times for the heart. 2 times for you. 2 times for me. 2 times for the planet earth. 2 times for spider monkeys. Ooh yeah, we're rocking now.

1:09 AM  
Blogger jwg said...

There was this guy I used to work with in Bangkok. he used to work at FLI, where i work now. he had this thing back then (in SEoul, not BKK, so i never saw it) called cock out. simply, he'd wip out his dick and lay it on yr shoulder, and say "cock out" this made him laugh. I was waiting for the cock out in the last post with "bring out the snake". never happened.

I wonder if there is a poet out there that has any idea what he/she is doing. That seems to me to be the thing about it. only degree is in how comfortable we are with it. The question is the form. It is my bucking bronko. and yes, it is my cock out.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Kyle said...

Yes. The question is the form - and the writing is a continual movement thru questions. Answers are little flashes that come and go. They illuminate - right? And then the darker stuff is us searching, turning over soil. Maybe we are earthworms then, doing our (mstly) hidden work. I love this discussion. Glad to be a part of bringing it up.

And I am working on being okay with the not knowing, and also sharing the knowing, and shaedding the false knowing (my own ongoign watergates). Pirooz - I am also working on saying things like "i don't get that" when i dont get it. Nothign personal - just an effort to raise the honesty bar. I dont want to be one of those writers who puts on a pleasant smile and is nice so that he doesnt rock the boat. I never liked that song - i am always like C'mon! Rock the freaking boat! Cocks out! - and they just keep saying "don't tip the boat over" and i want to say LEARN TO SWIM. but disco got a deservedly bad rep for this stuff, so bygones be...

Pirooz - that sounds like the best band name ever. I hope you do scuzzy garage rock with fun but bogus persian rhythms bouncing joyfully around. I know its not 1967, but mod haircuts would round it out for this fantasy. Sounds like the very heart of being in a band. The orchestra's closeness to the army (or corporation) makes that kind of spirit difficult, no?

Here I am bouncing around with my friends.

I like the one sentence answer pirooz - as a reader, that kind of go long / go short balance, helps me move through your writing with head held high. Might be good, tough practice too. It is for me. When i write a 6 word poem, i feel like one mean mofo. Sprinting.

Jim - cocks out didnt threaten your straight masculinity at all? bravo - you are a warrior. i did that to a friend of mine in college - i once taped his wallet to my dick and danced around while he (tried to) talk to this girl on the phone. He freaked, then finally, painfully rippedit off. I think i could sense he had a lil homophobia, which is like bad breath to me, so i decided to be his breath mint. it was a s friendly as a tv commercial.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Kyle said...

oh - you never saw it. maybe you should get him to do a revival for you and your guy friends. kind of an acid test.

11:53 AM  

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